Uncommon times call for uncommon wisdom. It’s inspiring to hear from people who’ve graduated from the school of hard knocks, yet kept a sense of humor. People like Twain, Voltaire, Oscar Wilde. People who've said the thing so well that we all wish we'd said it. People who've been there, done that, and refuse to sugarcoat what they've learned. People who know, as Sherry Hochman puts it, that "Every day is a gift—even if it sucks." From Kathryn and Ross petras, curators of craziness (and surprising smarts), comes a timely collection of reassuring reality: "Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"—John Barrymore "October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February." —Mark Twain "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."—Mother Teresa "When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes."—Dylan Thomas "If you think you have it tough, read history books."—Bill Maher And Voltaire: "Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."
A Very Strange Guide to English as It Is Garbled Around the World
Author: Kathryn Petras,Ross Petras
THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU’LL EVER READ The celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head–taking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining out–by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: • Feel like shopping? We have no good things to sell. –shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali • Feeling sick? Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose? –Japanese medical form • Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers. –in a French hotel brochure • Wondering where to eat? Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch. –slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton International But don’t take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if that’s too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: “If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.”
Originally a successful painter from Romania, Jean Negulesco worked in Hollywood first as an art director, then as a second unit director. He was later hired as a director by various studios—mostly for ballet and musical shorts—before being assigned to a number of commercially successful films. During his 30–year career, he worked in several European countries yet it was in the U.S. he achieved his greatest success, with Warner Brothers and 20th Century Fox. Dubbed “The Prince of Melodrama” by critics, he directed films of all genres, working with stars like Joan Crawford, John Garfield, Marilyn Monroe, Lauren Bacall, Bette Davis, Richard Burton, Alec Guinness, Fred Astaire and many others. Negulesco was nominated for Best Director by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in 1948 for Johnny Belinda—now considered a classic, along with his The Mask of Dimitrios (1944), Humoresque (1946), How to Marry a Millionaire (1953) and Three Coins in the Fountain (1954). This book—the first on him since his 1984 autobiography—covers his extraordinary life and career, with extensive analyses of his films.
Example in this ebook CHAPTER ONE - EMERGENCY Nancy stood on the steps of the train and waved at a misty-eyed couple, a man and woman of middle years. Strange how she could be so close to tears, yet so buoyantly happy all in the same moment. The train began to move slowly and Nancy called back, “Be sure to forward all Tommy’s letters, Mom!” Her mother nodded and smiled, while her father lifted his hat in that courtly way he had. Nancy could scarcely believe that at last she was on her way to becoming a member of the great Army Nurse Corps. In fact she was one now, for she had already taken her oath of allegiance. This slowly moving train marked the beginning of a wonderful journey that might take her anywhere in the whole world—Africa, Italy, India, the Arctic or the South Pacific. She had been praying ever since she joined that it would be the South Pacific, not only because her brother was there flying a bomber over the tropical blue waters, but because the tropics had always seemed fascinating. But little did she dream what she must go through before she saw again that beloved couple she had just left. As she turned back into the Pullman she suddenly felt empty, with that awful, hollow, going-away feeling. She thought how lucky she had been to get her nurse’s training right in her own home town. She had never known the feeling of homesickness, for her few brief trips had all been for pleasure. But this was different and far more exciting, yet she knew suddenly now that it would also have its heartaches. From her seat in the car she caught one more glimpse of her parents. How lonesome they would be with both their children in the service! For a few minutes, as the train crawled out of the city, Nancy could think of nothing but the two she was leaving behind. How concerned poor Mom had been when she said, “Do be careful, darling, about getting wet. You know how easily you take cold when your feet are wet.” Nancy had promised to be as careful as possible, but didn’t fret her mother by saying she was afraid there would often be days on end when her feet would always be wet, if her experiences were anything like the overseas nurses she heard from in Italy and New Guinea. Not until the last house of her beloved town had vanished beyond the green hills did Nancy turn her gaze to the inside of the Pullman. She noticed now that practically everyone was in uniform, both men and women. There were two WACs across from her, and an ANC captain a little farther up. She thought it would have been more fun had someone been going with her. This trip to the capital was always so slow and boring, then there would be a tiresome wait before she took the sleeper for Alabama. She tried to read but was too keyed up to concentrate. She could think of nothing but the great adventure into which she was going. Settling her head against the cushion she faced the window, watching the rolling hills. Suddenly she realized she was tired after all the excitement of farewell parties and packing. How grand everyone had been to her! Since she was the only volunteer in her class, she had been given a dance at the Nurse’s Home. How could anyone stay behind, she wondered, when the fighting men needed so many nurses? Drowsiness was creeping over her when she caught the low tones of two men behind her. The fact that they were speaking in a foreign tongue pricked her to alertness. She leaned closer to the window and concentrated. They were talking almost in whispers, but she heard the gutteral syllables of several German words. She had studied a little German in her high school days in order to sing some selections from the Wagnerian operas. Now she caught the words, ute Abend and acht Kusches. “Tonight ... eight cars,” she translated. To be continue in this ebook
Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, bestselling authors of the scathingly funny Unusually Stupid Americans and Unusually Stupid Celebrities, now set their bipartisan sights on the hallowed halls of the United States government. Unusually Stupid Politicians exposes the mind-boggling but true political mishaps, missteps, and miscues that have even the savviest spin doctors shaking their heads and saying “No comment.” Sections include • Extreme Hairsplitting–such as when Florida governor Jeb Bush, after being accused of hiding in a closet from rampaging Democrats, denied the allegation completely, stating that “it was actually a boiler room” • Brilliant and Innovative Ideas from The Pentagon– like their groundbreaking "Gay Bomb," their "Bad Breath Inducing" halitosis weapon and their plans to enlist The Three Stooges in the fight against terror. • Creative Political Excuses——such as “I just discovered I’m Jewish and it’s a Holy Day,”——used by Senator George Allen, who, after learning of his Jewish heritage, got out of a Senate hearing to “observe” Yom Kippur • The Most Egregiously Large Political Egos–measured in standard Chuck Schumer Ego Units (CSEUs) This hilarious and eye-opening exposé gives awards for “How I Blew My Campaign” and “Worst Campaign Ad,” and shares a list of candidates “endorsed by God,” as well as a list of those who lost because of Satan. So turn off C-SPAN and quit text-messaging congressional pages–you’re about to learn what the definition of “is” is. From the Trade Paperback edition.